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When I thought about writing this blog, I decided to organize my thoughts through the format of answering questions because why not? Maybe when you saw this title, you had some of these questions yourself. Self-compassion by definition is the directing of the feeling of compassion towards oneself. What does self-compassion really look like? It’s mindfully noticing your struggle, offering kindness rather than judgment, and realizing your struggle is a shared experience. The idea is to treat yourself as if you were talking to one of your beloved friends. Easier said than done, for most people, their inner critic comes out in full force when they find themselves in a difficult situation. Why is this even relevant to my life? Every single person at one point or another has had negative thoughts about themselves distributed all across the spectrum of narcissism. As a woman who loves people with her entire heart, I tend to leave little left for self-compassion and self-love. My life was forever changed when I learned, trained, and advocated for my self-compassion. The inner critic’s voice shrank down as it lost its power, and I began to fuel the compassionate warrior.
Leading with self-compassion improves motivation, cultivates a growth mindset, increases life satisfaction, maintains emotional well-being, and expands your ability to love and be compassionate to others. Isn’t all this self-compassion stuff hocus pocus? The myth behind self-compassion is that if you give yourself compassion, you are making way for weakness and demotivation and ultimately can’t accomplish your goals. I am here to debunk that myth. Part of the reason people believe this is because they often mistake self-compassion for self-pity, excessive disappointment, and self-absorption over one’s issues or “poor me.” The key word is self-absorption; self-pity is a destructive practice that stops growth in its tracks, while self-compassion makes you zoom out and look at the bigger picture. Another part of this myth is mixing up self-compassion and self-indulgence, the distraction of oneself through hedonistic experiences or “treating yo self.” Though giving yourself a treat every now and then is necessary for sanity, sometimes we can excessively distract ourselves and spiral out of control as it is a short-term mood repairer. Lastly, self-compassion is not self-esteem, the valuing of one’s abilities positively, or “I can do no wrong.” Having self-esteem is important for confidence and productivity, but sometimes we can become overly self-absorbed. All three parts paint a nasty picture of self-compassion, but I am saying that self-compassion has only transformed how I think, talk, and look at myself. Also, I grew my empathy and compassion for others, humbled myself among my peers, and made my mountains of trouble seem more like rolling hills.
The key components of self-compassion are being aware of your struggles, kindness over judgment, and understanding that struggles are universal to all people. How can I even practice self-compassion? You can do many things to become more compassionate to yourself, like breathwork, self-love, mindfulness, common humanity, journaling, meditation, affirmations, redemption, expression of gratitude, and practicing compassion with others. A few tools for your tool belt would be Kristin Neff’s Self-Compassion Break, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brene Brown, and google templates or prompts for writing self-compassionate letters. You completely deserve self-compassion, so now I ask, What’s holding you back?
About The Author:
Abigail Romeo '23
Psychology
Entrepreneurial LeadHERship Student