Channeling the Best Version of Ourselves

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anyone.” - Maya Angelou

We may not be taught to love ourselves in fear that we will grow up to possess arrogance and abandon compassion. We are taught to fight bullies, resist peer pressure, and respect others, but we are rarely taught to love ourselves. However, we don’t have to earn that love for ourselves - that should be unconditional. There’s quite a difference between self-love and arrogance: one teaches you to embrace your strengths and weaknesses and utilize them for a cause greater than oneself, and one is an unhealthy obsession with oneself in order to gain status, respect, heightening of his/her ego, etc. Steering away from this conversation, naming it unnecessary, is a common response to this situation, stating that there are other pressing issues out there--but how can someone give love (or anything, for that matter of fact) when they have none for themselves?

As a new school year begins, let’s take a moment to help ourselves gain confidence in our decisions, take time to practice self-care, and, most importantly, love ourselves.

THE IMPORTANCE OF FLOW

A psychologist named Mihály Csíkszentmihályi theorized this concept of flow, which describes a state of mind where one is immersed in an activity that their mind is free of distractions. Often people who experience flow will feel detached from the world momentarily because a certain activity is occupying their mind. And consequently, this is one of the most optimal mental states they could be in -- we often associate happiness with balance and relaxation, and yet, a certain imbalance of attention can lead to satisfaction and ultimate happiness within ourselves. Getting that internship or scoring an A on that difficult midterm may be the side effects of hardwork and relentless studying but, enjoying the process is just as important as the goal.

According to Csíkszentmihályi, there are 8 characteristics of flow -- “complete concentration on the task, clarity of goals and reward in mind and immediate feedback, transformation of time (speeding up/slowing down), the experience is intrinsically rewarding, effortlessness and ease, a balance between challenge and skills, actions and awareness are merged, losing self-conscious rumination, and a feeling of control over the task”.

DELAYED GRATIFICATION IS NOT THE EQUIVALENT OF CHRONIC DISSATISFACTION

Sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes, the ends can justify the means. And often, to achieve the goals that we want to obtain, we must sacrifice activities and resist certain temptations to fulfill our ambitions. This, by definition, is delayed gratification -- pushing the present version yourself to your limits so that the future version of yourself can reap the rewards. However, this doesn’t mean that we must only be happy once we achieve our goals -- happiness can be obtained throughout doing the things we love to do. We don’t need to force ourselves to constantly be unhappy or use our dissatisfaction as the only source of motivation to fulfill a dream or ambition.

A Stanford study, notoriously known as the Marshmallow Experiment, underscores the behavior patterns of subjects that resist temptation versus those who don’t. One of the prime findings of the study outlines the presence of abstract and artistic thought (that is, a channel for creativity) in those who could withhold the urge to eat the marshmallow in front of them. This study also concludes that delayed gratification is an indicator and a critical factor of success in various fields. However, it was noted in several other journals that those who could wait patiently also found other methods to entertain themselves as opposed to those who failed the experiment were relatively more focused on what was in front of them.

So what can we take away from this? It is important to find happiness in the journey as well as the goal. Why? Because it is a longer-lasting and more satisfactory achievement to enjoy every aspect of your passion rather than avidly waiting for success to come knocking on your doorstep.

EMBRACING THE VALUE IN BEING DIFFERENT

There are aspects in our society and societal standards that still instill homogeneous thinking and values, and that can influence our way of thinking, limit our creativity, and even restrain our aspirations. One of the biggest channels to inflict this sort of thinking is social media and online sources of information. Diversity isn't only the differences we hold when we are born (i.e., our race, gender, ethnicity), but also the difference in ideologies and philosophies that we develop as students, founders, and human beings.

This school year, let's focus on tailoring our online feeds to our needs -- follow accounts that spread positivity and inspire you. Utilize news sources that encourage informed decision making and research. Find communities that accentuate your strengths, but learn to internalize other perspectives to every situation out there.